To say that I have never dealt well with change is an understatement.
I don't even like carrying it in my wallet.
If change were the remnants of Rohan (and the Dúnedain) at Helm's Deep, then my acceptance of it is the Uruk Hai army raging at it: ugly, and ultimately futile.
There are so many things changing in my life at the moment, most of which I have no control over. I wear myself to the breaking point stressing over why things must be this way. I know I shouldn't, but knowing and feeling are such vastly different things for me.
I feel rejected, as if I'm not good enough to be wanted. Almost like the broken doll who must sit on the shelf and collect dust as she watches the other toys go off into the world to be loved.
(I really do struggle with tying words to my deepest emotions. It's why I dance - it's so much easier to bare my soul without this clunky medium.)
But for all the drama, there is hope, and I find it in the smallest (and not so Small) things.
And somehow, through all the bumps and heartaches and just plain bad times, I think I have not changed for the worst. I'm still a slightly broken doll, but I have not forgotten how to dance.
"The only thing for certain is that nothing stays the same,
And falling down's as common as the rain ."
-David Wilcox
