I think I have found my True Calling

I shall me the premier Time Appropriate Self Motivator.

Or in the common tongue, I'll write books and teach (private) workshops on how to appear productive and busy when you have absolutely nothing to do. Sure, you could argue that one could go and learn something useful, or complete a degree or become a certified SCRUM master, but I think I'm correct in guessing that most people really just want to make the most of their boredom by not doing actual work.

(I still don't think SCRUM master is a real certification. I think someone just beat me to an MS/IT training gold mine)

I think I will first need a glossary of useful words. It will be hard to top the brilliance of ambiguity that is "I am reversing the polarity of the neuron flow", but I am not afraid.

I am ideating on the ways to best align with our business partners and help them to reach our mutual goals of clarity and understanding.

(It's a start).

I need a Dragon.

Specifically, I need this dragon.

The point here is to agree wholeheartedly with me, and not ask annoying questions such as "What on EARTH do you need with an animatronic dragon?!".

My reasons are my own, but I can tell you that my plan involves a pineapple, tinker toys, silly putty and a string.

That is all you ever need know.

Just give me the money already

No, I am not an investor. Neither am I a broker, financial analyst or golf buddy. It's not a charitable donation, either.

I just want some money. Yours in particular.

(I figure that after Madoff and Stanford, the unintelligent rich will apreciate my refreshing honesty. )

A Note from your (not so) Friendly Public Wellness Officer

Unless you have at least two sets of crutches and/or are missing a limb, you are not allowed to use the elevator for trips of two floors or less. The elevator is reserved for VIPs and MITYs (More Important Than You).

Failure to adhere to these regulations will result in a team frisbee flogging.

Remember, this is for your own good.

Thank you.

Piracy is our only option

Press Release:

February 13th, 2009
Florin

In these difficult economic times, there is still hope for the few CEO's who have yet to get a bailout package of their very own. Fresh off of his World Tour, which included stops in Detroit, Somalia and D.C., The Dread Pirate Roberts has announced a new executive training program for poor CEO's who are facing yearly bonuses of $5 million or less.

When asked for a comment, The Dread Pirate Roberts mentioned something about needing bigger bathtubs and more spoons.

In related news, the Florin Surgeon General "Miracle" Max, announced findings that suggest people who wear masks really -can't- be trusted.

(Prompt by Dad, additional Piratical Ideation by my Uncles)

Error 405 - Prompt not found

The humor you were looking for cannot be found. Please reboot your PC and try again.

If you think you have reached this error by mistake, you're probably right.

For those of you watching your profundity intake...

Try the new 90 calorie version - Tall and Intelligent - Lite

It's almost like being in school. But this time, they're paying -me-.

We've just started training and we're already an hour behind. Though, to be fair, there are a lot of moving parts to keep track of.

However, I bet most, if not all, of these folks went to college for a computer degree. How did they make it this far without learning when NOT to ask questions?

I guess some people have yet to master the zen of acquiring true Enlightenment by simply not paying attention.

Pity.

A week of PC training and I don't even get an etch-a-scetch?

Lameness.

I know I'm not a manager yet, but I don't get a PC to play with, either.

Maybe I can get RAD 7.0 for my iPhone. I think there's a large potential market out there. How many people need to develop an EJB while on the bus? Or a Java Server Face while waiting in line at Starbucks? Plus, iPhones now come with at least 8 GB of memory, so you would have room for RAD and three songs!

Tell your friends- it's gonna be huge.

How to create a Black Hole -or- Why You Should Never Have More than 2 SA's in the same room

Step 1) Using a computer that is not your own, create a remote session to your PC

Step 2) While in your virtual desktop, have a teammate repeat Step 1

Step 3) While in their virtual desktop, have yet another SA repeat Step 2

Step 4) Make popcorn

Step 5) Push entire project team into Black Hole and enjoy.

Disclaimer: This is all theoretical, folks. You may need a few more instances of MSTCS, depending on the size of your project team.

It's not selling out if I actually make some money. Wait...

All I want is my 15 minutes of fame, the New American Dream. Actually, they can keep the fame, just send me the cash.

Apparently there are other blogs out there besides mine (who knew?), and this one just earned it's author a book deal after 8 weeks. 8 weeks!

But it's not the first "Stuff Like" blog I've read. That would be THIS one.

So I'm thinking the World needs Stuff that (geeky) Girls Like.

Whatcha think? It would be a separate blog, mostly as an experiment in viral marketing. (Sounds like we're going to threaten people with illness if they don't read it. Hmmm...)